Fridays!

1. I WROTE NEW WORDS YESTERDAY!!! This is a major accomplishment for me because I have a very, very, very difficult time getting STARTED. Overcoming the intertia of the blank page and the characters I'm groping to get to know. It's been two months actually since I wrote Chapter One of this new WIP. Yes, a looooong time. And it's under contract, no less which makes me very nervous. I'm back to chewing on my fingernails. The summer was crazy busy for me with travel and revisions/copyedits/production for THE HEALING SPELL and a new baby and people in and out of my house and extra people living in my house - so whew. Fingers crossed I can write *more* new words today and get a flow going.

2. Happy Birthday to my darling son, Jared!!!! I vividly remember the day he was born, an incredible, powerful day. He was a special baby in so many ways that I can't even go into here, and he's been a very special son. He's turning into a wise and wonderful man.

3. This day makes me weepy for many reasons now. A day of remembrance for our country, for the people who died, the people who sacrificed their lives to help them, the bravery and heroism and selflessness. I love the United States of America. Freedom, hard work, love and faith is the only way to keep our country great.

4. I'm LOVING a new writing book: THE FIRE IN FICTION, by Donald Maass. He is one of the great writing teachers of my lifetime. The Introduction is worth the price of the book alone. I just wish it was longer. Are YOU a Status Seeker or a Storyteller???


5. I am feeling very blessed this week because of my family and my friends and a wonderful agent and editor. AND the wonderful people of the writing community. My heart is overflowing. You INSPIRE me beyond words.

I'm done! I'm done? Surreal . . .

I spent the Labor Day Weekend finishing the proofreading for my First Pass Pages for THE HEALING SPELL (Scholastic, July 1, 2010) and oh my, there is lots of little picky things to find and ponder and mull over and figure out how to fix without messing up other little picky things, ie, like word choices, and phrasing, or the heart-pounding "Oh, No! I found a mistake in my research!" Quick, quick - dig up my research notes. Go online! Find the answer!

I sent them back to my editor yesterday morning, fully planning on getting back to drafting THE TRAITEUR'S DAUGHTER which has been patiently waiting since July for my attention, poor thing.

Last night I got an email back with another list of questions or concerns - nothing major, but more *stuff*. My darling editor worked very late! I got up early, finished them before 8:00 this morning, and my editor loves me for being so prompt. ;-D

Gorgeous editor: You’re done with The Healing Spell! When 2nd pass pages come in, if there are any questions for you, I’ll forward them along, but I won’t need you to look at pages again for this book. So you are free!

Me: No way! I'm done??? It doesn't seem possible. Why did my stomach clench up? Why do I feel a slight sense of panic? I mean, surely there is more I can do . . . my heart is pounding.

Gorgeous Editor: Yup. I know...it's scary, but it's great. The book is beautiful--GORGEOUS--and now it's time to focus on your next one. I totally get that you feel panicky, but just breathe and know that you made a fabulous, wonderful, perfect book and now it's time to let it go.

Let it go? Just like that? For real?

The next time I see it, the manuscript will be A REAL BOOK BETWEEN COVERS.

Gulp.




If anybody needs me, this is where I'll be: Surreal Sunset

My First Pass Pages are Here!

There's a whole bunch of us all on the same publishing *track*. [info]angie_frazier just got her First Pages as well as [info]seaheidi . We're all publishing Summer of 2010. Who else is out there? Let me know and I'll add ya to my list.

My pages came Wednesday and Ive been plugging away proofreading and hoping I don't miss a missed period or letter or apostrophe or something! Sort of nerve-wracking, but fun too! I really like the font and lead space in between the lines for easy reading.

I adore the quirky font for the title pages! It's gorgeous!

And my editor also showed me the back cover comp Scholastic is working on - it's way cool! A significant item(s) from the story is done in a photo illustration on the back as well as my super cool blurb and my super cool one-liner - all done in the same font. But I can't show that yet . . .

"Kimberley" got misspelled, but it'll be fixed for the galleys. I get ARC's too!

I LOVE Scholastic's logo - what a dream . . .

Had to share this clever little joke!

An old man and woman were married for many years, even though they hated each other. When they had a confrontation, screaming and yelling could be heard deep into the night.

The old man would shout, “When I die, I will dig my way up and out of the grave and come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!"

Neighbors feared him. They believed he practiced black magic, because of the many strange occurrences that took place in their neighborhood.

The old man liked the fact that he was feared. To everyone's relief, he died of a heart attack when he was 98.

His wife had a closed casket at the wake. After the burial, she went straight to the local bar and began to party, as if there was no tomorrow.

Her neighbors, concerned for her safety, asked, “Aren't you afraid that he may indeed be able to dig his way up and out of the grave and come back to haunt you for the rest of your life?”

The wife put down her drink and said, "Let him dig. I had him buried upside down."

Teaser Tuesday

I HAVE COVER ART FOR
THE HEALING SPELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's GORGEOUS! I'm thrilled and LOVE it - AND I CAN'T SHARE. Publisher's orders. They said NO showing off fabulous, wonderful, beautiful cover until we deem that it's time to flood the world and start officially buzzing!

How's that for a teaser? I will tell you that they took one of my suggestions to add a particular something to the cover - and they all agree it really makes it *pop*. Happiness!

Sorry, my friends! But I promise it will be worth the wait. I guess I can see Scholastic's point - after all, the pub date is still 10 months away. EXACTLY 10 months from today - yippeee!

But I CAN share the artist who did the cover art. His name is Marc Tauss. Check out his other book jacket covers. (First link on the left on the Home Page). Then open up the thumbnails, they're even prettier full blown. And I am in awesome writerly company! He's done jacket art for K.L. Going, Joan Bauer, Laurie Halse Anderson, Ann Rinaldi, Tracy Mack, Bruce Colville, Ann Turner, etc.

Here's the one-liner teaser we're thinking of putting on the back cover - and it PERFECTLY fits my status today.

"I've never had a bigger secret in my whole life . . . "

I love Librarians!

I'm currently discussing final details for a school visit this year with a librarian I met when I spoke at the New Mexico Library Association conference this past April.

I had just returned home from my research trip to Louisiana and mentioned it in my talk and some of the zany things that happened to me. Afterward, a librarian (Middle School) came up to introduce herself and she told me that SHE grew up in Baton Rouge, Louisiana. Way cool!!!

We had a great chat and she invited me for the next school year since her teachers are using my last novel,
THE LAST SNAKE RUNNER in their English and History classes. Yay!


She's a kick and I love this quote she puts at the end of her emails.


"You see, I don't believe that libraries should be drab places where people sit in silence, and that's been the main reason for our policy of employing wild animals as librarians."
-- Monty Python

My son's wisdom for the weekend

Adam just came into my "office" with this quote:

"All truth passes through three stages: first, it is ridiculed, second it is violently opposed, and third it is found to be self-evident."

Not ideas. Not philosophies. Truth.

Ooh, I feel very wise right now.

Ponder, enjoy - and I hope you get some writing done this weekend!

Life is Sporadic and Choppy

So I'm reading books instead of writing, a few pages here and there, in pieces. I miss being able to read every day like I used too. It's like, I either WRITE. Or I READ. I cannot manage both in the same day.

I just cannot seem to write in 15 minute chunks like some writers can. I merely get frustrated and angsty and start inhaling brownies or chocolate chip cookies fresh from the oven. I SO WISH I COULD!!! Write in ten minute increments, that is, in between laundry loads or phone calls or dinner prep or errands or tending children.

Here's what I've been reading the past two weeks. A good way to end the summer, doncha think?

My Brain is falling out of my ears!

Hey everybody - it's been 29 days since my last confession - I mean - um, my last blog. A blog POST. Yep. Okay.

Three trips, three weddings, final revisions and copy edits later I've actually logged onto my blogs to read up on all my friends and the agents and editors and the industry . . .

I've also been doing this:



And this:



And canning these:



And trying to get back to my WIP:



And catch up on 5,000 blog posts. YES, you read that right!!!

MY BRAIN IS FALLING OUT and I can't read anymore without going blind, too. See those spinning eyes - that is me alrighty!



I know I've missed some news. Please forgive me, dear friends.

I missed SCBWI LA, too!!!!!!!!!!!!

Trying to catch up here on the conference: The Official SCBWI Conference Blog

School started last week (I'm an asst coordinator for some classes so lots to do for start-up).
New baby comes this week.
Son away at college all summer comes home tomorrow for a week - yay!

With that I come full circle . . . my brain is falling out . . .

A FAB new Middle-Grade up for grabs!!!

Hi y'all!!! I'm back from a little vaca with my mom and sisters eating and gabbing and partying and eating and gabbing and eating and swimming and shopping and eating and . . . I have a great new contest that you absolutely must enter!

Go to Barbara O'Connor's blog Greetings from Nowhere to enter the contest she's having for her brand new novel, THE SMALL ADVENTURE OF POPEYE AND ELVIS (FSG) which is coming out September 15th!!!

I ADORE all of Barb's books and I OWN them all and they are ALL autographed! How lucky am I??? Well, pretty darn lucky.

If you haven't read Miss Barbara's books before - now is an excellent time to do so. Her books have been on dozens and dozens of state reader's choice lists, she regularly gets starred reviews, she wins all those Parent Choice Awards, and her books are wonderful and poignant and heartwarming and REAL.

Searching for a Good Middle Grade Novel

I write both Middle Grade and Young Adult - I ADORE both genres and read widely and eclectically (yes, I made up that word ending!)

Young Adult has been absolutely EPIC the last five years. So many titles, so many new twists on the various genres, so many adored authors and humongous advances and buzz and new readers and book tours and publicity tours via Publishers. I love it! It bring so much attention to the Children's Lit world.

Middle Grade Fiction has taken a *back seat* to all the great YA out there, BUT that is about to CHANGE. For the past year or two publishers have been asking and searching to acquire Middle-grade and I'm really pleased that my MG, The Healing Spell, which took 5 years to sell (perhaps due to the YA adoration) will be coming out next year. I've also heard about many other MG's coming out next year, too, like pixiechick_sw and angie_frazier


So my question is this:

I haven't read many Middle-Grade novels in a long time and I'm salivating for one to read. I've checked out the Newbery Buzz books, but am hearing lots of pros/cons and hate to invest the mulah (I've bought so many YA's I'm broke) and for some reason my public library system has very few of them. What's on their shelves you ask??? YA Fantasy, Vampire, Demon, Fairy and the like.

NO Middle Grade.

Give me some titles and opinions people!!!

Thank you. Happy Weekend!

Happy 4th of July

I love this country. I love what we stand for, our brilliant founding Fathers, our freedoms, this land of opportunity, the wonderful people, and our country's stunning beauty. I feel so blessed and thankful and proud.

Wishing you all a wonderful holiday of peace and family and love.

Let Freedom Ring!!!!!!

Am I alone in endless tweaking?

The final revised manuscript of THE HEALING SPELL was sent off yesterday morning and then I got an email from Gorgeous Editor that she'd like to send the Dedication and Acknowledgments along with it to the copy editor today and could I send ASAP?

Well, sure! But I haven't even really *thought* about the D&A pages, let alone drafted a potential D&A for this book, although I have been keeping a list of the people who have helped me along the way.

I spent FOUR hours off and on writing and tweaking. Good grief. I am such a tweaker, but this seemed ridiculous. It was hard to get the words RIGHT. To say what I wanted to say about each person.

THE HEALING SPELL has had a seven year journey from concept to this point. A story I've always loved, but it took a lot of revision over the years and a long time to find the right publisher and editor.

And I NOW HAVE an OFFICIAL PUB DATE!!!

Drumroll please and confetti and balloons and fireworks . . . JULY 1, 2010! Whoo hoo!

I was hoping for June, but it's pretty close. Just in time for people to read over their 4th of July holiday - and Livie's older sister, Faye, has her wedding in the book on the 4th of July!

We also have some cover comps!!! I think it's going to be gorgeous!!! Can't wait for the final to show off.

Off to hit SEND again! Have a great day everyone!

Book are on their way!

A few days ago, I eagerly ordered some books from Amazon. I shop online because the closest bookstore is 30 miles from me. There's a *very small* Hastings close by but their selection is *very small*, too, and they specialize more in movies and games anyway.

So I got my "they shipped today" email this morning! It's true that I wait for a big enough order so I can get FREE SHIPPING.

The Bad: It takes longer to wait for them to arrive.

The Good: I save a few bucks every time and can buy more books!




GO HERE TODAY: Harper Teen. Click on the A KISS IN TIME book jacket and read the FAB first pages - it's fantastic!!! The best first line! I've read all of alixwrites books and none of them disappoint. AND her book BEASTLY is going to be a MOVIE and it looks so cool! Major stars galore! And the hero/beast is WAY hotter than Robert Pattinson/Edward in the Twilight movies. JUST SAYIN'.



I met mandywriter on Live Journal a year ago and she was so helpful during my agent search and I picked her brain a lot. Go Mandy and congrats on your first book!!!




I'm so happy for cyn2write !!! Cyn was also SO helpful in flurries of emails we exchanged about agents, the biz, websites, etc. Love her. So go read her book!



Aprilynne Pike is another debut author and a bestselling one already! She and I know a lot of the same people, but she doesn't know me. :-)

Teaser Tuesday Strikes Again!

So my Gorgeous Editor LOVES all the work I've been doing on this final revision, but we are going after ONE particular scene ONE MORE TIME!

So I went to the shed and dug out my shovel and spade again to keep going deeper with Livie and T-Jacques - Livie's "love interest", although I'm not sure you really call it a *love interest* in middle-grade, although she IS off to Middle School a month after the book closes. At any rate, T-Jacques is cute and chops wood on the banks of the bayou and is the middle child between 8 sisters.

With all this digging into hearts and emotions and feelings and thresholds and themes, I fear that I'll soon be six feet under myself. I just keep telling myself, "I can do it, I can do it!"

This is the beginning of the 5 pages I need to revise again. Just to set it up: Livie's older sister, Faye, just got married in the backyard to her childhood sweetheart, Travis . . .

“They’re beautiful,” Faye murmured. I watched Travis put his arms around her waist as he bent to kiss her neck.

I glanced away, embarrassed, but then I peeked back again, curiosity getting the better of me. I wondered what it would be like to be that in love with someone. Since I couldn’t answer my own question, I went to go have some pain perdu and sausage. I’d just filled my plate and found a spot on the lawn when a tall, dark-haired boy walked up and sat down on the grass next to me. I looked up and stared into the eyes of T-Jacques Landry. I was so startled I swallowed a piece of sausage wrong and started coughing. T-Jacques thumped me on the back and then I took a gulp of punch.

“What are you doing here?” I managed to splutter.

Teaser Tuesday

I heard from Gorgeous Editor this morning and she said that she is almost finished reading the revision of THE HEALING SPELL (Scholastic June 2010). She called my rewrite "splendid" and said that she thinks it's ready to go to copy editing. Gulp. Hard not to panic when I want to look at it again!

But Gorgeous Editor needs to finish those last few chapters and she may definitely change her mind . . .

Here's a nibble from Chapter Two:

Mamma usually wore a bit of cherry lipstick after breakfast, adding more makeup if she was going into town to shop. Since the accident, Mamma’s face was pale and splotchy, her lips colorless like a corpse. She didn’t even look real anymore.

I stopped three feet from the hospital bed and gave a shudder when Mamma’s legs started to jerk. I backed up as fast as I could, my head spinning like I’d just gotten off a roller coaster.

“Olivia Marie Mouton!” Faye exploded. “Mamma ain’t going to bite! She can’t even open her eyes.”

“Leave Livie be,” Daddy told Faye mildly through the doorway. “She gonna do things in her own time."

Faye bit at her lips, ignoring me again, even when I clutched at my queasy stomach. I swear my sister had no heart.

Night Dreaming or Day Dreaming - what's the diff?

It's been 8 months since my book sale - 5 since contracts were signed - and I STILL have these nights where I'm so excited I wake myself up dreaming about my book's cover, drooling over my catalog page, designing postcards and bookmarks and creating book trailers. There's a part of me that can't quite believe I'm going to see THE HEALING SPELL which I spent 6 years writing and revising actually ON BOOKSTORE SHELVES as well as SECRET RITES OF THE GODDESS which was about 2.5 years in the making.

Maybe all this excitement keeps stirring the pudding of my subconscious (on second thought - make that brownie batter) because it took 8 years to get here again . . . a road I've been down, a road I've visited before with three other novels, a road that crashed and sucked my beautiful books into a black hole. BLACK HOLE = getting orphaned, non-existent catalogs, publisher going under - before book trailers and blogging and internet tours and LJ and Blogspot friends.

I found myself trying to start my career all over again.

But I stayed focus. I stayed determined. I kept writing. I kept believing in my stories. I kept revising and submitting. And I kept dreaming the dream.

And I heard the other day that my agent called my writing beautiful and lyrical.

Tonight I might end up dreaming about my words dancing on a stage in a purple tutu.

Hodge Podge Tuesday - or Publicity Ideas 101

My new book, THE HEALING SPELL, isn't slated for publication until June 2010, but I'm going to be so busy finishing production work on it and then doing revisions and production work for my YA, SECRET RITES OF THE GODDESS, coming out Fall 2010, that I'm thinking way ahead on the publicity stuff. I'm also writing a brand new book tomorrow. Yep, you heard right. Although I'm not writing the ENTIRE book tomorrow, just a few pages a day until I finish - um, hopefully sometime in July!

So . . . . I started three months ago making lists about publicity ideas and contacting people because it will probably take me the next year to get everything in place with all the writing going on.

First, I hired www.swankwebstyle.com to design a new site for me. It's moving forward beautifully! Got my FAQ written last week and off as well as a bunch of other tidbits, like the Welcome Message, my short and long Bio, etc.

Currently reading a GREAT book:




This morning I checked out: Blue Slip Media These gals sound like fun, have a TON of experience and have worked with some of my favorite authors.

Still searching for the right company to design POSTCARDS. I want something better than my last cards . . . Oh, and don't forget bookmarks and business cards. THIS is one of the best postcards I've ever seen. And Brooke - EMAIL ME AND SHARE WHO DESIGNED AND PRINTED THEM!!!





Last week I sent stuff for Teacher's Guides to my sister, the schoolteacher, who is a FAB curriculum writer and way fun!

Yesterday, I worked on a panel proposal for YALSA 2010 Conference which will be RIGHT HERE IN ALBUQUERQUE - WAHOO!!!! How lucky is that?!

I've hired a FILM MAKER who is going to make my book trailers. Very excited about book trailers. I love them!

I finally SIGNED UP FOR FACEBOOK!! Please friend me!

AND THIS IS JUST THE BEGINNING . . .

Parties, contests, blog tours, giveaways, it's all coming!!!!! I HAVE SO MANY IDEAS!!!!!

Question!

I'm revamping my website at the moment with www.swankwebstyle.com

I'm thinking about doing a Q&A page and want y'all's opinion.

1. Do you LIKE reading author's Q&A pages?

2. What are good questions to ask myself - which I will then answer very wittily and charmingly?

Thanks!!!

Love this Writing Quote!

"If you have any young friends who aspire to become writers, the second greatest favor you can do them is to present them with copies of 'The Elements of Style'. The first greatest, of course, is to shoot them now, while they're happy."

Dorothy Parker

Panting toward the Home Stretch

I'm almost done with my editorial revisions for THE HEALING SPELL (Scholastic June 2010) and it's been a much bigger haul than I first anticipated. I've been a month making *small* changes, but there have been about 100 of them! Eleven pages of editorial suggestions!

Gorgeous Editor made phenomenal and thought-provoking and insightful suggestions, but they've taken much more thought than I ever expected. And I had to write a new chapter. And add to the characters relationships. And add depth to my MC's internal life and arc. And foreshadow. And my brain is turning to mush.

I have a full day of some more fixes then I hope to read through all the changes again to make sure they *make sense*, *no accidental errors*, *could be tightened*, and * I didn't forget anything*.

Goal: To mail to my Gorgeous Editor tomorrow!!!

I find myself wanting to poop out . . . and my eyes are burning . . .

Gorgeous Editor has New Book Out!

And the book is gorgeously written and tells a wonderful, heart-warming, heartbreaking story with characters that are achingly real! (Caution: hot boy inside!)

The cover is FAB, too! And the author is a FAB editor! And she's MY EDITOR!!!




Check out Lisa's super website and blog! She's got some fun stuff on the book page including a map of her favorite places in Manhattan. Besides being an editor for Scholastic, Lisa is also an artist and an award-winning sculptor and an award-winning author! And she's gorgeous.

Of course.

LISA ANN SANDELL

MONDAY MADNESS!!!

I've been scarce because I've been REVISING for my new and wonderful editor.

Her line edits were very light, and her revision suggestions nothing major, mostly adding some depth and a few scenes throughout to add to the relationships in Livie's life, but figuring out WHERE everything should go and exactly WHAT to add and then make it all work together is STILL SO HARD!

My brain balks, like I'm a bratty kid again. "You mean I have to do more WORK? I don't wanna. I wanna go outside and play."

It takes me a long time to figure it all out and I was so fried from my amazing research trip that it took me 2-3 weeks just to decompress and process and go through more research and re-read some stuff.

Last week I asked my editor some questions I had about my first chapter, the first page in particular and we talked about it via email, and then I wrote her this:

Me: I'm not set on any particular way to open the book, but honestly, I'm so worried about making this book *perfect* I may be losing my perspective. I'm starting to question EVERY LINE as I revise! But I might be way over-thinking this . . . aaah!

Gorgeous Editor: I know that revising can start to drive an author mad and make it impossible to distinguish between what’s working and what’s not. I can’t wait to read the manuscript again. And I’m always here for you to bounce ideas off of! That is the best part of my job.

Me: The best part of your job is bouncing around ideas with your authors? That's fun to know! Not that I'm going to start pestering you every day . . . ;-D

So we decided to rearrange a few paragraphs, but I'm still not convinced it's THE BEST opening.

So I'll just do this:

And eat this:





And then I'll feel better!

SCBWI New Mexico Handsprings Conference 2009

We had a fabulous conference this last weekend! One of our best in a couple of years. The visiting agent, Chris Richman from Firebrand Literary and Ruta Rimas, asst editor from Balzer and Bray imprint were fun and fantastic and well prepared. (Hit the link for a FAB interview with Ruta - she is WAY FUN and KNOWS YA).

It was Chris Richman's VERY FIRST conference and he did great. He was funny and friendly and gave some of my friends very encouraging critiques on their work. YAY!

Here are a few pics. I actually remembered to bring my camera! Course it's my NEW SPIFFY LUMIX camera I was tellin' y'all about a few days ago . . . how could I possibly leave it at home?!



Me and Lauren Bjorkman who is a member of the Class of 2009 with her book, MY INVENTED LIFE



Here is upcoming writer, Kris Conover, who is way fun and you can see me laughing at what she just said. (Are you working on your revision, Kris???)



Carolee Dean and moi! caroleedean blogged about the conference, too.
She was a presenter and is a good friend and critique partner. Her new YA, THE ROAD TO HUNTSVILLE, will be out in 2010 with S&S!!!



Shirley-Raye Redmond just sold her 21st book!!!
Her Random House Step-into-Reading books have sold about 200,000 copies!!!



Kersten Hamilton during her presentation on characters - showing off new tennies! Both caroleedean and I caught Kersten's glowing shoe laces in our photos. We must have *magic* cameras . . .

Why, here is Carolee's MAGIC CAMERA RIGHT HERE!!!



A good time was had by all!!!

Friday Five

1. I'm spending hours online researching for my editorial revisions of THE HEALING SPELL, but not blogging - or getting the treat of reading y'all's blogs and catching up! Darn.

2. Still doing trip recovery, catching up around the house, and downloading 950 photos - yes, you read that right! I took nearly 1,000 pictures with my new nifty Panasonic Lumix camera that my husband bought me as a treat for my trip. I LOVE this camera!

3. I'm also reading the 150 pages of copied research from books and newspapers and Master Theses from the Louisiana State University Special Collections. Did you know that they stay open until midnight? Very good news for us after a day of interviews and museums, but YEP, they had to kick us out at midnight!

4. Here's a photo of the azaleas in bloom. We were at the tail end of the season though, but I snapped up all I could! Gorgeous.



5. I'll be at our annual New Mexico SCBWI Handsprings conference this weekend! Can't wait!

I have landed . . .

I'm back! I'm home! I'm safe!

But it feels so strange to be home again - like I just returned from Mars or something instead of Louisiana, just a hop, skip and a jump from New Mexico. After you get through 980 miles of Texas that is!

16 days of 5 hours sleep a night, non-stop gabbing with one of my best friends, traveling 3,000 miles, and meeting AMAAAAAAAZING people and staying in AMAAAAAAZING places.

LOVED IT!!!

Pictures and stories coming over the next few weeks . . . but first I am in desperate need of about thirty hours of sleep. And groceries. And clean clothes.

And I gotta call my mom.