Snorts and Secrets . . .

I'm sure you all read him, but truly I was rolling over laughing last night at Nathan Brandsford's post on How To Write A Novel last night:

"We should probably first agree that this is a rather large topic. One might even call it rotund, ginormous, massive, weighty, of-gargantuan-proportions, etc. But lately I have heard from several would-be writers with a very common sentiment.

"I want to write a novel, I think I can write a novel, but for the love of Tim Gunn, how in the world do you write a novel?"

And that brings us to the most important advice I can offer in this How to Write a Novel overview. If you try and hold the entire novel in your head all at once and attempt to imagine it in its entirety and all of its various ins and outs, your brain will suddenly become so heavy that you will topple over backwards and pass out."

Just the imagery set me off.


Lately, I think I am going to explode. I've been on massive book launch, book writing, family crisis overload for about 3 months.

Tomorrow's post: The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly Secret(s) of Publishing

Yes, I will reveal ALL. Stay tuned, my darlings.

Scholastic Sisters!

CRAZY WEEKEND! Wasn't home hardly at all. No blogging. No reading blogs. Yesterday was even CRAZIER, actually! But I dragged my sorry self to the library, exhausted, and managed to write 5 pages. I was tired of not being able to write like I wanted to! Goal: 10 pages today!

BUT!!!

Yesterday was the official launch date of my Scholastic Sister, angie_frazier 's debut novel EVERLASTING!!!

Gorgeous, isn't it?

(Click the book cover to go directly to Amazon)

My copy shipped a week ago! Why is it taking so looooooooong to arrive???

Angie and I have gotten to know each other over the last year and she is the sweetest, bestest person and writer!

And I cannot wait to read this book!!!!

Here's her website, too, inspired by the setting and story of her novel.

CONGRATULATIONS, ANGIE!!!!!!!!!

Hilarious Writer Jokes

These cracked me up! Stolen from Agent Rachel Gardner.

A writer died and was given the option of going to heaven or hell. She decided to check out each place first. As the writer descended into the fiery pits, she saw row upon row of writers chained to their desks in a steaming sweatshop. As they worked, they were repeatedly whipped with thorny lashes.

"Oh my," said the writer. "Let me see heaven now."

A few moments later, as she ascended into heaven, she saw rows of writers, chained to their desks in a steaming sweatshop. As they worked, they, too, were whipped with thorny lashes."Wait a minute," said the writer. "This is just as bad as hell!"

"Oh no, it's not," replied an unseen voice. "Here, your work gets published."


***
There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer. When asked to define great, he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!" He now works for Microsoft writing error messages.


***
A screenwriter comes home to a burned down house. His sobbing and slightly-singed wife is standing outside. “What happened, honey?” the man asks. “Oh, John, it was terrible,” she weeps. “I was cooking, the phone rang. It was your agent. Because I was on the phone, I didn’t notice the stove was on fire. It went up in second. Everything is gone. I nearly didn’t make it out of the house. Poor Fluffy is--”

“Wait, wait. Back up a minute,” The man says. “My agent called?”